What was the first joke ever written?

Ugh, Ugh Ugh? Uggh!

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What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned?

Because they're infeggtious

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What do Lady Gaga and E. L. James have in common?

They both wrote bad romance.

How many times should you check whether a sentence is written in English or Spanish?

Once.

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How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

When she approached my car window I asked what's wrong officer?

She said "ugh nothing!"