What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

How do you make a flea circus?

From scratch.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?

I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

Why is today a trucker's favorite day?

Cuz it's 10-4 GOOD BUDDY!!!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas?

As little as possible dummy!

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."