Coffin Jokes

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

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What did one casket say to the other?

Is that you coffin?

What do you called a prince-sized bed?

A coffin.

How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

By his coffin!

What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

He starts coffin...

What is brown all around and looks good on a motorcyclist?

A coffin.

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Hey, is that you coffin? Ba-dum-tsk...

What's the difference between babies and love?

Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

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Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

he was tired of coffin.

What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?

Probably clawing at the inside of his coffin.

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all of the coffin.

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket?

Is that you, coffin?

How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

A little stiff.

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

Who's there ! Coffin ! Coffin who ?

Coffin and spluttering !

What would they put on his coffin ?

A lid !

What did one vampire say to the other vampire?

Is that you coffin

Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

he kept coffin

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

Why did Dracula need medicine?

Because he was coffin.

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

Why did the vampire go to the doctors?

Because he was coffin...

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

What did one coffin say to the other?

Is that you coughin'

What would Hellen Keller be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of the coffin.

What did the casket say to the sick casket?

Are you coffin

How much for the vacation home?

Sir, this is a coffin.

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

Because his life is at stake.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.

How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

They start coffin.

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

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Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

Who was the hide-and-seek champion of 2005?

Nobody knows, they haven't found him yet.

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How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

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One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.

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you are turbanned

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You tape bread to the ceiling.

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1

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What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

How does a viola greet a relative?

Cello!

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Why did the lonely man work on his days off?

X-post /r/dadjokes) He loved the company.

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?

They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.

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What did the can say to the can opener?

A: You make me flip my lid.

What would Hellen Keller be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of the coffin.

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What did God say when he made the first black guy?

Oops I burned one!

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.