What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

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Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What does the caller ID say?

Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

What's a man?

Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom

Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head?

Lice. Lice, maybe.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?

H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.

What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

A coconut!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What did one coffin say to the other?

Is that you coughin'

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

Courtesy Jokes More Courtesy Jokes

How do you make an ugly kid?

Go ask your mother Courtesy of a hot dog vendor in Atlanta

How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

Joan Rivers Jokes More Joan Rivers Jokes

Who has the easiest job in the world right now?

Joan Rivers' embalmer.

What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!