What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What do you call an uncertain insect today?

A May bee.

How did you prepare for today?

red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

Claw Jokes More Claw Jokes

What did the cat use to sharpen its claws?

Me. Ow.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?

Probably clawing at the inside of his coffin.

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket?

Is that you, coffin?

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.

Marilyn Monroe Jokes More Marilyn Monroe Jokes

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

What "D" (dimension) should Marilyn Monroe's movies always be shown in ?

Blon-D