What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

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Why did the lollipop cross the road?

Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed.

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

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What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?

Probably clawing at the inside of his coffin.

What's black on the outside but yellow on the inside?

Ninja chicken.

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What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Why can't Elvis Presley drive?

Cause he's dead.