What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

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What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?

7-1. (world cup)

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What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vaccuum?

With a vaccuum, the dirtbag's on the inside!

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What would they put on his coffin ?

A lid !

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

Elvis Presley Jokes More Elvis Presley Jokes

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Why can't Elvis Presley roll backwards with his car?

Because he is dead