Cremate Jokes

What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?

I'm in light urn.'

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What did the masterbating Australian mortician do?

Cremate

Why did the blonde feminist want to be cremated when she died?

She thought a traditional burial would be too bio-degrading.

Why was John Lennon so ashy?

Because he was cremated

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

he was tired of coffin.

Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated?

His family advertised it as a barbecue.

What do you call it when a cremated person spins in their grave?

An Urn-ado.

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

What's the best part about being cremated?

Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.

How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated?

Hmm No risk do both.

Why was the homeless man's body cremated?

Because he urned it

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How did the stoner die?

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Why does the graveyard have fences?

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What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists?

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What is Australian cuisine called?

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What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

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One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

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What are four ways of spreading information that begins with "tel"?

Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman.

How many black people does it to pave a driveway?

One. You just have to spread him real thin.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

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How do you get Sigmund Freud to screw a lightbulb?

Tell him the lightbulb is his mother.

Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

Because he's a little prick!