Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

For being out standing in his field.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

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What do you call a fight in Mexico?

A Juan on Juan.

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

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How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Depends on what tune the Devil happens to be playing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

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How did I get the balls to write such a grotesque joke?

Gruesome.

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

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How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

How did Chuck Norris solve the dwindling oil reserves problem?

Ctrl - C, Ctrl - V

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What did the Spanish cannibals have for dinner?

JOHN CENA!! I'm sorry.

How loud is John Cena?

xDb

Script Jokes More Script Jokes

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!