Chuck Norris Jokes

How does Chuck Norris go fishing?

You, you and you. Get out."

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Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

How did Chuck Norris solve the dwindling oil reserves problem?

Ctrl - C, Ctrl - V

Why is Chuck Norris still alive?

Credit: Saw the comment in this 1:55

How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town?

A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado.

What is Chuck Norris' only weakness?

Cancer

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

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What is your secret weapon against terrorists?

We simply reply......Chuck Norris

How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.

Why does Mona Lisa smiling?

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

How much Norris?

Tongue twister) How much Norris could Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could chuck Norris

How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Just one. From Chuck Norris.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.

How much wood... ...could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

All of it.*

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Who has more testicles?

contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Why do all Pirates wear eye patches?

Chuck Norris.

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as?

A completely rational fear.

Why are there no Chuck Norris knock-knock jokes?

Because Chuck only has to hit the door ONCE.

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

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Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?

It was all broused up!

What's the difference between fighting on the internet and participating in the paralympics?

None, even if you win, you're still retarded.

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What is a cancer patients favorite bingo number?

Solve Jokes More Solve Jokes

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

What do you call one black person on the moon?

A problem. What do you call every black person on the moon *Problem Solved*

Roundhouse Jokes More Roundhouse Jokes

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town?

A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado.

Chuck Jokes More Chuck Jokes

How much Norris?

Tongue twister) How much Norris could Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could chuck Norris

How many nuns can a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Nun.

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why was the composer late for work?

He missed Debussy. I'll just leave.

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar ?

Weight for it...

Telephone Jokes More Telephone Jokes

What are the three fastest forms of communication?

Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.

How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub?

They both have rings!

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you call a bone that disrespects God?

A Blasfemur

What did God say after she made Eve?

Practice makes perfect."