Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Why don't men want to go down on a woman first thing in the morning?

have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese?

Texas Jokes More Texas Jokes

What gets wet as it dries?

Texas after a drought.

What's the difference between Texas and Russia?

One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold.

God Jokes More God Jokes

Why nuns don't wear bras?

God supports everything.

What do my dad and God have in common?

I've never seen or heard from either of them.

Chuck Norris Jokes More Chuck Norris Jokes

What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as?

A completely rational fear.

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

Upset Jokes More Upset Jokes

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu?

The prices were gastronomical... (I'll show myself out...)

Bless Jokes More Bless Jokes

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

Why wouldn't Pope Pius bless any helicopters when they were first manufactured?

Because whenever one started up, the big blades would go "wop...wop... wop" and the little blades would go "guineaguineaguinea".