Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

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Why is a woman like a KFC?

After your done with the thighs and breasts all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How do you get over a crush you've had since high school?

Leave the dungeon door unlocked.

Snowden Jokes More Snowden Jokes

Why can't Edward leave Russia?

He's Snowden.

Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.

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Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

because he's snowed in.

How do you see countries neighboring Russia?

Ukraine your neck.

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What do you call an old-school CIA agent who believes his work is none of the public's goddamn business?

A Pte-redact-yl

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods