Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why would I want to talk to your baby?

On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

What do you say to someone who talked about you behind your back?

You discussed me.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What did the mermaid forget to bring to the maths lesson?

Her algae bra.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband right before she got on the Challenger Shuttle?

Honey you feed the dog I'll feed the fish.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar ?

Weight for it...

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.