Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you doing today?

2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure ' 2: 'I'm definite'.

How did you prepare for today?

red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

How do you leave a bunch of idiots in suspense?

I'll tell you guys tomorrow

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?

You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)

How do we know Jesus was a man?

We've had to wait 2,000 years for his second coming.