Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

How woke?

Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

Why do you want to leave your current job?

My boss is a total idiot "It says here you're self-employed " Yes that's right

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?

Hare today gone tomorrow.

What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What is she doing?

the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."

What is the hardest part about firing a black man?

Waiting for him to show up.