Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

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Why did the duck leave the dancefloor?

He didn't want to get down on it.

What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?

Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*

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What did the lead singer of The Prodigy say to the guy parking his Mini Cooper?

Back my Smitch Up!

What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?

The Stunning-Cougar Effect.

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Why can't you hear a dog whistle?

Because they have a hard time puckering their lips the right way.

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power ?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

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Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

What equine likes to cut in line?

A sawhorse!