Guy Jokes

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair?

Parachute

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

Why are sewer covers called manholes?

If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.

What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?

Woah, the traffic is moving.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

He is so misunderstood.

What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?

H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.

How will an IT guy fix a lamp?

He'll restart the nuclear power plant

What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?

A no-bell prize

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?

The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!

Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid?

Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times.

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?

A home-cooked shower.

What do you call an Asian man blowing another guy?

A Brojob.

How many of you guys experienced this?

Damn! I don't have spare keys either.

Why are so many guys mean to their girl friends ?

Because of the .

What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?

Garibaldi

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way. Banana split

Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset?

Because you didn't ask him what band he's in.

How do you stop a North Korean tank?

Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box.

What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin?

Jello-us

Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?

Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.

What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?

A Fall Out Boy.

What happened to the guy who grabbed the Viagra instead of the Allegra?

he had a hard time with his allergies

This joke may have profanity.

How do you stop a mexican tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

Why did the coach prohibit the blonde from giving any bj's to the team?

The guys complained about the blow-dryer being too hot ...

What do you call a guy who's into beastiality?

Someone who really gets his head into the game.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Why should I shave my downstairs?

Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?

Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.

What do you call a guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

Why did the guy get aroused by the highway?

Because there were lots of turn ons.

How many ways are there to please a guy?

Three way.

What is the difference?

What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail

How do you leave a bunch of idiots in suspense?

I'll tell you guys tomorrow

What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?

A stand up guy

What is a guy with ED favorite saying?

I'm going to PUMP YOU UP!

Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy?

They said IT couldn't be done

What are some good Asian jokes you know?

I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.

What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window?

Curt and Rod

Why didn't the art thief get away?

Because he didn't have to Monet to pay the Guy to make the Van Gogh.

How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb?

None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw.

What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?

Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you call a guy who plays the guitar unplugged?

An amputee

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White House Jokes More White House Jokes

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

Bonjour Jokes More Bonjour Jokes

Guy Jokes

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you call a guy who can't poop?

What do you call the guy who manages my apartment building?

What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself?

What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?

Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

Who is he?

Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs?

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

What do you call a guy with no musical talent that hangs out with the band?

Why are people so creeped out by the guy in the unicorn mask?

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

Why didn't Jesus have any children?

What do you call a guy with no shins?

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

When Chris brought over his musl*m girlfriend to meet the family, what did they say?

Why is Max always late?

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

What did Plaxico Burress say when he read Colin Kaepernick's Tweets?

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

What did the woman say to the guy in Naval intelligence?

What happens when a guy from Finland dies?

How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

How do you guys think the Germans will do in the Olympics this year?

What did the lead singer of The Prodigy say to the guy parking his Mini Cooper?

What does an IT guy use for birth control?

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair?

What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said?

How do you pick out the Christian Terrorist out of a crowd?

What did the guy without hands get for christmas?

How do you guys feel about that new drug-resistant superbug?

What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring?

What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?

What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing?

What do you call a guy who stands under a bull?

What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?

What do you call two guys above a window?

What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?

What do you call two guys on a pair of curtains?

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

What do you call a guy who likes touching unripened cheese?

What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?

What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?

How could I forget, mate?