Guy Jokes

Why don't you trust me?

she texted both the guys simultaneously.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did that guy shoot up the church in South Carolina?

He thought it was the white thing to do.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List !" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

How did the guy from Kentucky find his sister in the woods?

Pretty good!

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

Who'll handle the Guantanamo closing?

Same guys who did Circuit City

What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

What would you folks like?

HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY !

What the hell is an Ovechkin?

The guy says "It's a White Russian with no ice and no cup!"

What do you do if your bank account stops working?

Throw the guy out of the house.

Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?

Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Who were the participants?

Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '

How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

What did the IT guy say when he threw RAM sticks at the stripper?

RAMs a make a dance!"

Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox?

He was syncing too much time into it.

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?

Dad: yea sure yells up to me son, you live with this guy now!

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?

Names

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

What's a magazine?

asked every guy under 30.

Why are most guys like floor tile?

Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!

What did the Moderate Moslem say before hitting a guy for criticizing his religion?

It's alright, reddit'll say this had nothing to do Islam.

What do you call a guy with a shovel?

Doug

What do you guys think of polar bears?

I think they all white.

What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?

You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "

What do you call a guy who likes to lose?

Ewan

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

What did the guy with a neckbeard say when he had to mail something twice?

REPOST!"

What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

A francophony

What did the guy with bad internet get?

What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy?

There's a vas deferens.

What do you call a guy who peeps his peeps?

A homeboyeur.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

How many guys does it take to open a beer?

None, it should be open when she brings it to you.

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?

Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?

I'd prefer if you included tigress

What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?

Urine over your head!

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?

A: She went looking for the three guys.

What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

Slow clap

What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween?

Depressed

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

What is the definition of 'making love'?

Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?

Not this guy!" -Thumb amputee victim

When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?

then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.

When all of a sudden Tinker Bell shows up. He goes to a worker and says, "Wow, you guys have fairies in here?

The worker then says, "No, our CEO doesn't like it."

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?

Because I threw a microwave at him

What are you guys doing here?

Just waiting for Ronaldo"

What would you guys like to ask an American?

Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

the guy likes his power chords too much.

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables."

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

How do you know you are at r/jokes?

The guys all look like they played football for Bronx HighSchool of Science

Why can't iron oxide get a date?

Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

What do you call a guy that can't make a joke?

A dead one.

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why was that guy yelling at you?

flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign me with a mouthful of cheese samples No idea

What should it sound like when it's connecting?

guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls

Where does a guy from Arkansas go to pick up girls?

Family reunions.

Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate

What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?

a PDFile

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by?

One with Parkinson's disease!

Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

What did the right nut say to the left nut?

This guy in the middle thinks he's hard!

What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?

Mice outfit!

How do you keep a idiot waiting?

I'll tell you guys later.

What do you call a guy with no nuts and a horn on his head?

A eunucorn.

What if we gave people enough for three fries?

guy who invented ketchup packets

What happened to the guy who cooled himself to -273.15 C?

He was 0K.

How do you stop an Albanian tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint?

Five Guys.

How does a Muslim get a hot date?

He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....

What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flys by when you dont?

There are two answere: Time and Boo (from Mario games). Just made this joke up what do you guys think

What do you call a guy who only posts clickbait?

A master-baiter

What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square?

Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?

A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?

A Gladiator

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

Geek Squad

Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

Just kidding, I ran over it.

What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?

A four term US senator.

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

How often do you guys close your internet tabs?

One of mine is from the Kerry/Edwards campaign.

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

ssh bby is ok

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