What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?

The loser was 'thore'"

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?

Squish it in your hand.

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon?

A mole

Which animal is the faggiest?

A chim-PANSY

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What do you get when you combine a black guy and an octopus?

nobody knows actually but it will be perfect for picking cotton.

What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love?

If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.

What did the chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes?

I have no Idea.

Respect Jokes More Respect Jokes

What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Nigerian Prince Thanks r/askreddit for the idea

How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it." Tips fedora