Octopus Jokes

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

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What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you combine a black guy and an octopus?

nobody knows actually but it will be perfect for picking cotton.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy?

Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton

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Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

What does an octopus have ten of?

Tickles...

What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

What do you get if you cross a black man with an octopus?

I don't know, but it's damn good at picking cotton.

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.

What do you get if you cross a black person with an octopus?

I don't know but it would be excellent at picking cotton.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

What sound does an octopus make?

A squid word.

What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

What did the octopus make for desert?

Octopie

How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What is a gathering of octopus called?

Octoposse

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

Because they TENTACLE.

What do you get when cross a black man and a octopus?

I don't know but I'm sure he could pick the hell out of some cotton.

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus ?

A cow that can milk itself !

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?

On squid row !

What gave you that idea?

queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Ten-tickles!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well armed.

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What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

Who is the best underwater Transformer?

Octopus Prime!

Belong Jokes More Belong Jokes

Why do white people think they can say the N word?

Because it is the only thing left that still belongs to black people.

What church do hypocrites belong to?

All of them.

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why were you speeding?

Motorist: I wasn't going to miss seeing myself on "America's Most Wanted."

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

Tis Jokes More Tis Jokes

Why cant a bicykle stand on its own?

Because its two tired! *badum tiss*

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

is it "R"?) NAAAAAY!!! 'Tis the C

Tickle Jokes More Tickle Jokes

What does Professor Xavier say when he wants to be tickled?

tummy, my X-Men!

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.

Tacos Jokes More Tacos Jokes

What do Spanish Canadians put on their tacos?

Pork, eh

How many tacos does it take to change a lightbulb?

why don't we have both

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

Reprimand Jokes More Reprimand Jokes

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.