How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?

At 69 she always gets a frog in her throat.

Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting?

He knew that some of them wouldn't miss the blind ...

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Who drives?

The police officer

What's with the steering wheel on the front of your pants?

The pirate says, "Argh!! I don't know but it's driving me testicles!!!"

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Which trees miss you the most?

Pine trees

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

What shape does a muppet follow when throw through the air?

Pa-Ra-Bo-La (do doooo do dodo)

What lies upside down a hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

What do you call a doe that swerves all over the road?

A rackless driver...

Freshen Jokes More Freshen Jokes

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!