What did the pea say to the peanut?

At least you got one nut, I don't see what you're crying about.

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Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

What is 18 inches long, pink, squishy, and makes women cry?

SIDS

Pea Jokes More Pea Jokes

Why did the orange move to veggieland?

So he could live in peas and hominy.

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

Who is?

These nuts"

What do you call a guy with no nuts and a horn on his head?

A eunucorn.

Peanut Jokes More Peanut Jokes

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

Why do you have rashes every time you get your salary?

Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.