Pea Jokes

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What are peas attracted to?

Chickpeas

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

How do you drown a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

What's the most polite meal?

Peas and franks.

How do you trap an elephant?

You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.

What did the pea say to the peanut?

At least you got one nut, I don't see what you're crying about.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

What's a hippies favourite food?

Peas, man.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why did the orange move to veggieland?

So he could live in peas and hominy.

How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

A: Inflate it.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?

Peas and hominy

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Chop Jokes More Chop Jokes

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

Why does Harambe confuse bartenders?

All he wants is Just Ice

What do you say to a fig on ice?

Fig u're skating

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you make a dog say meow?

How do you make a dog say meow? Put it in the freezer, then get a chainsaw and cut it. MEEEEEEEOOOWWW!!

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

Corny Joke Jokes More Corny Joke Jokes

What kind of jokestuff do farmers like?

Corny jokes.

What do you call a corny joke?

A maize zing!!!

Beef Jokes More Beef Jokes

What do you call a woman made out of beef?

Patty

What do chicken, beef and Russia have in common?

They are all against Turkey

Lunch Jokes More Lunch Jokes

What did the baby seal order for lunch?

The club sandwich.

How can you tell if a mechanic went home for lunch?

One of his fingers is clean

Chick Pea Jokes More Chick Pea Jokes

What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

You would pay to have a potato on you...

What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil?

I've never paid to have a lentil on me!

Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

What do you call breakfast?

Breaking fast yooo!

What did Freddy Mercury have for breakfast?

Bacon and AIDS (I'm so sorry Freddy)