Chop Jokes

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?

Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.

Whore?

I don't cry when I chop up a Whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

Why did the alcoholic chop off the little boy's legs?

He wanted his *Kidneys*.

What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite snack?

Chopped dates.

Why did the butcher die ?

Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.

What do french fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

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What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body?

I wanna Bone a part

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What did the chopped wood say to the tree?

Run!

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Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

Why do pigs have flat snouts?

From running in to trees.

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

Pea Soup Jokes More Pea Soup Jokes

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Which phone??

Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well