Chop Jokes

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?

Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.

Whore?

I don't cry when I chop up a Whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

Why did the alcoholic chop off the little boy's legs?

He wanted his *Kidneys*.

What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite snack?

Chopped dates.

Why did the butcher die ?

Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.

What do french fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body?

I wanna Bone a part

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What did the chopped wood say to the tree?

Run!

You might also enjoy:

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Whats Black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist.

What is school like?

It's terrible, we have to do all the work, but the teachers get paid.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What do you call a loaf of bread when you cut off both ends?

A: Endless Bread!

What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams?

A bvr

Everybody Jokes More Everybody Jokes

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

How do you greet people at a funeral?

Mourning, everybody!

Manager Jokes More Manager Jokes

Which one is the 'in' door?

Let me show you", says the manager, and 'e walks in.

What do you call a manager that hasn't grown up yet?

A kidager

Ice Cream Jokes More Ice Cream Jokes

Where did you learn to make ice cream?

Sunday school.

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

Scope Jokes More Scope Jokes

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Why is there no scope for dealers/middle men in the field of extractive metallurgy?

Because he/she who smelt it, dealt it.

Karate Jokes More Karate Jokes

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

What do you call lesbians doing karate?

dikewondo