Wood Jokes

What did Tom hanks do in the woods?

He took a forrest dump.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A whole chuck-load.

What do you call a Sith Lord who lives in the woods?

Darth Deciduous

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?

A: Pretty hot

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?

Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.

How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

They take the psychopath.

What's a foot long, is as hard as wood, and is slippery?

A wooden slipper

What wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What kind of wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.

Why do bears poop in the woods?

So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

What type of wood is the most expensive?

Hollywood! (Made this up while i was doing a project.)

What did the Doe say when she came out of the woods?

I'm not doing that again for two bucks.

What do you call a nun lost in the woods?

A Roamin Catholic.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?

Mourning wood! :)

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

Whats a pirates favourite kind of wood??

Seeder

Why do we call lady parts beavers?

Because they devour wood.

What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?

Mourning wood.

How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

What is made of wood and sticky?

a Stick!

When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

when his hand caught fire!!

How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

How do you know if you are a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood

What's a nice guys favorite type of wood?

M'hogany

How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

What did they Deer say when she came out of the woods?

Answer: "I will never do that again for 2 bucks " My reply: Ha Ha! :)

Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse?

The psycho-path!

How far can you run into the woods?

Halfway, any further and you're running out.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

What is your favorite type of wood?

Mine is morning.

Why we going into the woods?

Let me out"

How did the witch almost lose her baby?

She didn't take it far enough into the woods.

What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?

Naughty pine

How far can a rabbit run into the woods?

Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.

How does a Priest find a little boy in the woods?

Very exciting

How does a crazy person get out of the woods?

They take the psychopath.

What has four legs and is made out of wood?

A horse.

What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

How did Bill Cosby find his daughter in the woods?

A: Pretty good

What is a neckbeard's favorite type of wood?

m'hogany

Why aren't cars made out of wood?

Because they wooden go.

What do you call the only wood that doesn't float?

Natalie.

What's little, brown, and found in the woods?

Winnies' pooh.

Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ?

Ankansas though any piece of wood !

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

You might also enjoy:

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs Bunny!

What do you get when you throw a rabbit at someone's head?

Facial Hare

Princess Diana Jokes More Princess Diana Jokes

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head & Shoulders under the steering wheel!

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?

The Mercedes can easily reach 40.

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane?

He usually flies twice as high.

Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior?

They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

Normal Jokes More Normal Jokes

What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

Beaver Jokes More Beaver Jokes

Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?

The riverbank.

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice 'gnawing' you!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week

Well Driver Jokes More Well Driver Jokes

Whats the difference between Paul Walker and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a better driver!

Chuck Jokes More Chuck Jokes

How many nuns can a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Nun.

Why are people without converse shoes dangerous?

Because they own none chucks.