Ice Jokes

Why does Harambe confuse bartenders?

All he wants is Just Ice

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

Why did Batman go to the corner store?

FOR JUST ICE

Why do Norse gods never ice skate?

Because the ice always Thors.

What is a terrorists favourite dessert?

Ice is

What does Batman take with his drinks?

Just ice

What did Batman give Doctor Freeze with his whisky?

Just-ice

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

Why is it impossible to surprise a snowman?

He has ice in the back of his head. Get it He has ice in the back of his head. Get it

What do you say to a fig on ice?

Fig u're skating

What does Batman get in his drink?

Just Ice

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Coffee Mug

What happens to eskimos who sit on the ice too long?

Polaroids! I'm so bored...

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

What do French Business Men use to ice their cakes?

Franchicing

What does batman take in his whiskey?

Just ice.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids

Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?

The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?

polar-oids

How do you put a condom on a elephant?

You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

What does Batman like with his whiskey?

Gravely voice) "Just ice."

What does Batman put in his drinks?

Just ice.

Why do hockey players always make terrible birthday cakes?

Because icing is not allowed.

How do you drown a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!

What did the judge order in his whiskey?

Just ice

What does Batman like in his lemonade?

Just ice.

What does Batman put in his beverages?

Just ice.

What can be found in a Judge's freezer?

Just ice.

What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

What do a redhead and a freezer have in common?

They've both got ice on the inside.

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

Which southeast Asian drink is more popular, the iced tea or the coffee?

Neither. It's a Thai.

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

What Metallica song does Captain America hate?

Trapped Under Ice.

What will you be having to drink?

Harambe: I'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice Me: Yes, justice for Harambe.

What does batman take in his beverages?

just...ice.

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?

It lives on ice !

What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?

Ice-is I'll show myself out.

Why is revenge a dish best served cold?

Because it's just-ice

What drink can I get you?

Just ice for Harambe"

Why do you have to nuke siberia twice?

The first one is just to break the ice.

What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man?

Why don't you try icing it

What did the police officer want from the criminal store?

Just ice.

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

What does Batman put in his drink?

Just ice

What the hell is an Ovechkin?

The guy says "It's a White Russian with no ice and no cup!"

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

Who's driving ?

Immigration. (ICE)

How does batman order his iced water?

Can I get that..Just ice"

What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar?

Expecto-Patron-On-Ice

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ?

Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !

How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

You add ices.

What do magistrates have with their water?

Just ice.

Why was the cake afraid of mobsters?

He knew they were going to ice him.

What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?

Because he had been told to ice it.

What does batman like adding to his drinks?

JUST-ICE

What does batman add to his tea?

Just ice.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

A. Polaroids.

Why did the fisherman drill a hole in the ice?

For the Halibut

How do Super Heroes like their drinks served?

WITH JUST ICE!

What can I get you ?

Harambe: I'll have a beer. Man: No, he'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice Man: Yes, justice for Harambe.

What kind of money do snowmen use?

Iced lolly.

What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common?

Both are a glaze

Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?

A: To keep the swelling down.

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

What will you be drinking?

Harambe: I'll have a beer Me: No, he'll have just ice Bartender: Just ice Me: Yes. Justice for Harambe.

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone

What are you looking for!?

Just-ice!"

Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ?

Banana split so ice creamed !

What color is ice?

Hielo.

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

What is the difference between ice and dry ice ?

Dry ice lacks of water.

What did the eskimo say when her water broke?

Oh no, my ice cracked!

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

How much does the average introvert weigh?

Not enough to break the ice.

What does a Polish guy do on the ice?

He breaks in.

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?

A Popsicle.

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

What does a television have in common with a rabbit?

His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.

Fart Jokes More Fart Jokes

Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?

Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.

What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?

That you to fart.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you shut an Italian up?

Tie his hands behind his back

How is a judge like an English teacher?

They both hand out long sentences.

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

How does a baboon make phone calls?

He just monkeys around on the line!

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue. Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twenty. 1 to drop it, 19 to go "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up".

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy?

One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater.

What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids?

Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.

How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?

On their fingers

Ice Hole Jokes More Ice Hole Jokes

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!

What's the difference between GOP voters and polar bears?

Polar bears gather around the ice hole.