What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

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What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?

bored. haha

How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

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How do you know a woman is wearing tights?

Her knees swell up when she farts.

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

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Why did the amoeba flunk the math test?

Because it multiplied by dividing.

What does an amoeba call its friend?

Cell mate.