What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a very old shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?

One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

Whats the Difference between an Atheist, a Christian and a Dog?

DogMa

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.

What's the quickest way to lose pounds?

The UK National Lottery!

Mistress Jokes More Mistress Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...