Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Einstein Jokes More Einstein Jokes

Why did Einstein marry his cousin?

It's all relative.

What's the difference between Einstein and Kim Kardashian?

Einstein is famous for special relativity, Kim is famous for simple reality tv.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands

Why did the integer stop multiplying with other integers of equal value?

He was Squared Straight.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do Russians love Pho so much?

Because they're so...viet.

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?

They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?

He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.

What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why is King Joffrey like a mattress?

Two twins make a King.

Why did Timmy fall off his bike?

Because Bill threw a mattress at him.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.

What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Why are your nails painted two different colors?

Daughter: Dad. It's an accent color. Dad: ... Dad: Can I hear it

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes