Where did you buy all that junk?

Kid: At the Joke shop.

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Which kid is yours?

Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'

Why divorce now after all this time together?

Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.

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How do you get rid of pubic lice?

Seriously, it is not a joke. I really want to know.

Why am I just so naturally funny?

Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal

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How many Android users does it take to buy an iPhone?

Zero. Apple doesn't accept EBT.

Where do hipsters buy their clothes?

Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.

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Why did the elephants go on a diet?

A: Because they had too much junk in the trunk.

How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk?

It squats down on a Triceratops.