Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get when you combine a watch with a dog?

An eternally suffering abomination...YOU MONSTER!

What did the dog bring to party?

Wooffies!

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

What's on at the cinema?

Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do make a car top?

Tep on the brake 'tupid.

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?

One if nobody is watching.

Who's there ! Bud ! Bud who ?

Budweiser the King of Beers !

Key Jokes More Key Jokes

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What were you doing?

flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."