Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

They're short 2 towers.

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Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of salsa?

2 gals 1 cup(http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my20triptothelocallatinmarketnetted165/)

How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart?

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

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Why does Bob Seger always laugh when he plays chess?

He thinks it's funny how the Knight moves.

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer!

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What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess?

It's stale, mate."

What does a blanket say to the other after a game of chess?

Well plaid.

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Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?

What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.