Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.

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Why did Thoreau build a house?

A: Because he wanted to be walled-in.

Why did the cautious gambler never go camping?

He didn't want to stake his tent.

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What does the Pope use to dry his hands?

Papal towels.

How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

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Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?

Dems!

What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.

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Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.

Why did Princess Diana divorce Prince Charles?

She was always told a ruler was 12 inches!