Why do they call it "Lipstick?

When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it

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Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

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How can the eurologist tell if he is looking at a man or woman?

Well, there is a vast difference.

Where do you touch a woman to give yourself the most pleasure?

The back of her head.

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Why can't you hear a dog whistle?

Because they have a hard time puckering their lips the right way.

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.

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Why do Angelina Jolie's shirts have such big pockets?

For her lipstick!

What's the difference between Ellen Pao and a pitbull?

Lipstick