Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

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Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

What does Taylor Swift tell her boyfriend when he gets toilet paper stuck on his arse?

Shake it off

What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

Earthquakes stop shaking

Stir Jokes More Stir Jokes

How are martinis like breasts?

They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond Jokes More James Bond Jokes

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

How does James Bond sleep?

Around.

Audience Jokes More Audience Jokes

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

How did you travel such a distance so fast?

I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.