Stir Jokes

How are martinis like breasts?

They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many.

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Why did James Bond higher a man with Parkinson's to be his butler?

He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox?

Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

How does Liam Neeson like his martini?

Taken, not stirred.

What's the difference between a cook and a homo?

Well, the cook stirs today's meal while the homo stirs yesterday's.

How does Michael J Fox take his martinis?

Shaken. Not stirred

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

What's the hardest part of making monster soup?

Stirring it.

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How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

You add ices.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

What was shaken and is now stirred?

Haiti.

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

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Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up?

Geometry.

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

PETA Pan

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What is ez to cook?

CookEZ.

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What's beef jerky?

Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's.

What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson?

Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.

What do you call a melon that's had a bit too much to drink?

A Watermelon...

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

How do I look today?

Bruno Mars: "When I see your faceeee" Girl: "Ok ok I get it."

Homo Jokes More Homo Jokes

How do you keep a homo in suspense?

I'll tell you in the morning.

What's the difference between a cook and a homo?

Well, the cook stirs today's meal while the homo stirs yesterday's.

Martini Jokes More Martini Jokes

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you get when you have two balls in your hand?

A man's undivided attention!