Why weren't you at work last week?

Me: Why are you living in the past

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work?

Because it wouldn't commute!

How will it work?

Remains to be seen.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why don't hipsters live in Alaska?

Everything is cool there already.

What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?

Patti O'Furniture

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

Something you do for the first week of the new year.

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

Past Jokes More Past Jokes

What does a cranky Japanese person suffer from?

PAST: Post Atomic Stress Disorder

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)