What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why was the deaf man sighing and shaking his head in disgust when he looked over at his next door neighbour?

Because she was *airing her dirty laundry*!!!

How can you tell that a straight pin is confused?

Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the Skeleton cross the road?

Question: Why did the Skeleton cross the road? Answer: To go to the body shop.

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Who is driving the car?

The police.

Why do lazy people only drive automatics?

Because they're shiftless.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What type of phone does a hawk use?

A hawkie talkie.

What do you call someone who talks on their phone during dinner?

Cellfcentered

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?

The Lakers . (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. ) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke .

What do you call some who is afraid of Santa?

Clausetrophobic. I'm here all week.

Stare Jokes More Stare Jokes

What does Ellen Pao have in common with the girl's mom from 'The Sixth Sense'?

The both have no idea why everyone stopped talking and just stared at her.

What do college students and deer have in common?

A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

Glance Jokes More Glance Jokes

What are you doing, creep?

she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke?

He glances over his shoulder.