Abandon Jokes

What do Star Wars and the United Kingdom have in common?

They both abandoned the EU

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Why did the crew abandon the chili pepper boat?

It was capsaicin.

What is it called when Batman abandons Gotham city?

Christian Bale.

Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center?

Too many walkers.

What did the sign say on the abandoned nuclear reactor?

Gone fission

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What did the tired pilot say to his crew?

I think I'm gonna crash

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

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What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

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What's missing from star wars 7?

Maybe SPOILER Nobody's limbs.

How did Mace die in Star Wars?

Through the Windu

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Where are you when you're in the U.K. waiting for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue

What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?

A: U.K.

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What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

Why are you late Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late Joseph: The sign said "School Ahead Go Slow!"

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

How do you know when you have a good redneck girlfriend?

If she can give you oral with a dip in and know which to swallow and which to spit.

Why are giraffes slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride

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What kind of work does a weak cat do?

A: Light mouse work.

What kind of drugs to frogs take?

methamphibians.

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What do Batman films and religious farms have in common?

They may have a Christian Bale in them.

What is it called when Batman leaves church?

Christian Bale...