Cougar Jokes

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?

Umami

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How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.

What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?

Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.

What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common?

They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it.

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Because they cantaloupe...

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

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What is the past tense of 'think'?

So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'.

What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?

Help! My pocket's been picked!

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What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?

Umami

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Why can't animals ever have an olympics?

Because there's always a cheetah

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

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What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves. I should go back to studying now. K bye.

What do you call a terrorist on vacation?

Aloha ackbar

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Why does Drake hate summer?

Because you start wearing less and going out more

Where do kids with ADHD go for the summer?

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What did the guy with bad internet get?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

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How do you get fifty old women to say f**k?

Shout "Bingo!"

How does a young man make an old woman feel young again?

Elixir