How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

How long has your car been doing that?

Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do you like going to school?

Son: The going bit is fine as is the coming home bit too but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

What works better than anti-depressants?

A 12 Gauge in the mouth This came to me whilst being all depressed.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

What is the craziest/weirdest/most interesting/most unique/ uncommon phrase you've ever heard ?

I am working on a project, and its going to revolve around a phrase. I need it to be really out there, yet could be used in everyday life. But honestly just give me anything you got.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What's the procrastinator's favorite song?

Tooomorrow, tomorrow, I love yah, tomorrow.." (You're always a day away)

How do you know that you are a redditor?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a future...

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.