How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know a cat is ready to leave?

He makes a fe-line for the door.

How much does a birdhouse cost?

I don't know the exact price but I know they're pretty cheep

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

A: Because she didn't know which one came first!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the only thing working out at the gym?

The business plan.

What do you do if your lawnmower stops working?

Deport him back to Mexico

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

Why aren't you studying, Billy?

Billy's Mom asked him, "Well, why aren't you studying, Billy? You have an exam tomorrow!" Billy said, "Because I've already Reddit thrice."

How was your first day of school?

5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

Why did the calendar die?

It's days were numbered.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."