How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

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Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti?

A Pastatute

What'd you do?

PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You ME: I talked to like 4 people.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What did God say when he made the first black person?

Damn, I burnt one...

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?

He touched the beaker before it was cool.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?

Bernadette

Why the sad face?

asks the bartender. "I got fired."

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?

Depends.

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend?

Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me Edit: I'm an idiot

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Calorie Jokes More Calorie Jokes

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

Why are Mistborns always so thin?

Because they're always Burning calories!