How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

A: A cello burns longer.

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night, wondering if there is a dog.

How did you manage to stay single for so long?

Single Handedly

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why did the nickel jump off the building but the dime didn't?

The dime had more cents.

Why do scuba-divers jump backwards into the water?

Because if they jumped forwards they'd still be in the boat.

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

What did the pedophiliac rabbi say to the young boy?

Hey there little boy, you wanna BUY some candy?

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

Calorie Jokes More Calorie Jokes

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

Conclusion Jokes More Conclusion Jokes

What is said at the conclusion of a lesbian marriage ceremony?

You may fist the bride

Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up?

They were just never on the same page...