What did Jesus said to his girlfriend in the morning?

Damn, you really nailed me last night.

This joke may have profanity.

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

Why does Jesus and bartenders have so much in common?

Bcoz they are single, have no kids, got nailed and serve alcoholic beverage.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What do Jesus and Muhammad have in common?

They both nailed a 2x4.

Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship?

All they will do is fight tooth and nail!

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How many girlfriends does it take to change a light bulb?

It has to change for itself.

What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software?

Getting McCafe on McAfee

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What fish only swims at night ?

A starfish !

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.