What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

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Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

Why the turnout at Michael Jackson's funeral?

He touched a lot of people.

What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

Bernie Sanders Jokes More Bernie Sanders Jokes

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch?

Bernie Sanders exists.

Smooth Jokes More Smooth Jokes

What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?

Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's