Smooth Jokes

Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkley?

Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be Asprin.

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Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?

Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's

What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

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Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What do you call the doctor for dogs?

Dogtor

What are we waiting for?

the doctor asks. "Patients, Doctor," replied the nurse. "Patients."

Monster Jokes More Monster Jokes

What do you call a monster with a wooden head?

Edward.

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ?

Terrier-fied !

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do somolian pirates use as weapons?

Arrrrpg's

When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

Event Jokes More Event Jokes

What is the best definition of irony?

irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How long has this been bothering you?

Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.

Direct Jokes More Direct Jokes

Who directed this?

HIM: "A bear attack." ME: "Never heard of him."

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

Why do we feel the need to order beers in round?

It's beer pressure.

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

Coat Jokes More Coat Jokes

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

What's the best way to bring out your inner child?

A coat hanger