Bernie Sanders Jokes

What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders?

He quit running.

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What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a coconut?

Coconuts have hair

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

They all dress like Dobby.

What did Bernie Madoff say to Bernie Sanders?

I'll take your money!

Why isn't Bernie Sanders campaigning in OKC?

They're both eliminated and finished second in their conference.

What do you call an old man whose retarded?

Bernie Sanders!!

Why did Bernie Sanders cross the road?

He didn't, he was distributed evenly on both sides. Bernie supporters, please don't downvote me to hell, it's just a joke

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their parents?

roommates

What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company?

Progressive

Why is Bernie Sanders seems like having a long nose?

because AIR IS FREE

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

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Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food?

He only sold left wings.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

How do you know if a redditor gave money to Bernie Sanders?

Just wait 5 minutes. They'll post about it.

What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

Weekend at Bernie's.

Why won't Bernie Sanders win the rational election?

Because he's two radical.

What is Bernie Sanders' LEAST favorite band?

SWV (sisters with voices)

What do you call a well read/researched Bernie Sanders supporter?

Not a Bernie Sanders supporter.

How do you know Bernie Sanders got elected?

All your stuff has been donated to charity

What do you call a fire on the beach?

Bernie Sanders

What do you call sandpaper on fire?

Bernie Sanders

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

What's Bernie Sanders favorite Christmas Carols?

deck the halls with boughs of free cash

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom &amp Dad

Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders?

He doesn't want to feel the Bern.

Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use?

Progressive.

Why does Bernie Sanders use Snapchat?

Damn E-mails!

Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk?

He can't stand the 1%

Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Why does Bernie Sanders support abortions?

Because even after he's blown his load he won't pull out.

What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch?

Bernie Sanders exists.

What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?

Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.

Which is Bernie Sanders' dominant hand?

His left one

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called?

Hindsight is 2020

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Why is Bernie Sanders' campaign like Jon Snow?

Game of Thrones spoilers) They're both "dead."

What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

Why did the two chickens cross the road?

To avoid debating Bernie Sanders

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Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why is Dubya voting Republican this year?

So he'll only be the second worst president ever.

Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?

Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose !

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

What's orange and red and crawls along the side of the road?

A wounded cheesie.

Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road?

Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?

A: Wet feet.

What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck?

A Christmas-Quacker!

Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?

Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.

What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?

A Ghost Pepper.

Distribute Jokes More Distribute Jokes

How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed?

Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!

Why did Bernie Sanders cross the road?

He didn't, he was distributed evenly on both sides. Bernie supporters, please don't downvote me to hell, it's just a joke

Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

How did you lose your last job?

I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

Why did italy cross the road?

To switch sides

How can you tell when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

Bernie Jokes More Bernie Jokes

What does socialism smell like?

It has a Bernie smell.

Which states is Bernie most popular in?

Denmark, Sweden and Norway.