What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas?

Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call someone with no arms?

Disarmed.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist?

A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids?

Child custardy

How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?

It would've just been "mas".

What did Pitbull ask for Christmas?

Dolly.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

How do you know when to use "fridge" or "refrigerator"?

Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge.

Glove Jokes More Glove Jokes

How do your pants fit?

The man responded, "Like a glove".

What did the little boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened them yet.