What u doing later?

Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Why was the Robot angry at the engineer?

Because he screwed his wife!

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why couldn't Jesus play marbles?

Because they kept falling through his hands.

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What does a feminist pick up from the post office?

Their femail

How would you describe your past work?

Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar -Change management.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What's the deal with the phrase "door ajar"?

I mean, is it a door or is it a jar?

What's your favorite word?

5-Year-Old: Empathy! I don't even know what it means! Me- I know how you feel.

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

Why did u shoot ur wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

Towel Jokes More Towel Jokes

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

Some will know this some won't It's a towel xD

Where does He-Man keep his towel?

BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.