ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*
When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh
Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise."
me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car
The dog is gone, the homework is done, and they're still trying to get out of the driveway.
APPLES!!!*
They throw a drawer of silverware down the stairs and name it whatever sound it makes.
The letter A because it makes men mean.
Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.
Whole Foods
From the supermeerkat
A hamster !
A sweet Dill.
