Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?

To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

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Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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Grocery Store Jokes More Grocery Store Jokes

Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store?

Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!

Why do grocery stores double-bag everything?

Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people call their weed the Koran?

Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned

How do you say goodbye to two people in Spanish?

Adidos!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

RemindMe! 2 days to edit this post

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

Crow Jokes More Crow Jokes

What do you call a group of crows?

The end of season 5.

Whats the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

Pharmacy Jokes More Pharmacy Jokes

Why did Lionel go to the medical store?

because it was pharmacy.

Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy?

In case you wake the sleeping pills!

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism?

Head.

Why was the deaf man sighing and shaking his head in disgust when he looked over at his next door neighbour?

Because she was *airing her dirty laundry*!!!

Tater Jokes More Tater Jokes

Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Paper Bag Jokes More Paper Bag Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

What do you call people who worship paper bags?

Sack religious