Head Jokes

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

Why do honest ducks dip their heads under the water?

To liquidate their bills.

What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce?

Chicken sees-a salad

Why are millionaires bad at swimming?

Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it

Why did kurt pull the trigger?

He couldn't get hole out of his head

Why did Kennedy throw his head back?

He was taking a shot.

How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach

Why didn't the Cancer Cowboy head out West?

He was afraid of Chemo-sabe.

What did the flower say about the tree heading to the sky?

He's on route.

Where was Soloman's temple located?

On the side of his head.

Why ya going to the airport? Flying Somewhere?" : "How'd you guess?" : "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?" : "Aspen." : "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

What has five arms, three legs and a head?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

Why is it impossible to surprise a snowman?

He has ice in the back of his head. Get it He has ice in the back of his head. Get it

What do you get when you cross the CIA and the Republican Party?

Shot in the head in Dallas.

What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What did the pirate say when he saw a woman giving head?

There she blows!!!

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

What do you get if you walk under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth?

Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What part of a chicken is a musical instrument?

The drumstick. (Had this joke stuck in my head for a while so felt like sharing it.)

Why is a giraffes neck so long?

Because the head is so high up.

What's the best part of an ISIS joke?

The Execution. Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.

Why doesn't a rooster wear underwear?

becuase his peckers on his head

How did the media find out that princess Diana had dandruff?

They saw her head and shoulders in the glove compartment

Who fancies going to Tunisia?

I heard they're giving free shots on the beach. They go straight to your head, too.

What does a half-dressed Sikh wear on his head?

A subturban!

What did one hat say to the other hat?

You wait here, I'm going to go on a head.

What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?

That sounded a lot better in my head

What did the older terrorist say to the younger terrorist before he headed out for a party?

Go on, have a blast.

What's the definition of "Trust"?

Two cannibals giving each other head

Why did Luke Skywalker bluff in a game of poker?

He heard Obi-Wan in his head saying Out, I shall let myself.

What do u call an ethopian with a slice of cheese on his head?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you call a guy who's into beastiality?

Someone who really gets his head into the game.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you get your partner to give you head?

Put them in a guillotine.

What did on western cheese say to the other?

You gouda bounty on your head. You cheddar be here when I get back.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?

To catch everything that goes over their heads.

What did the grave robber say to his gym buddy in the locker room?

I'm gonna get some head tonight.

Why couldn't the cat walk through the door?

it had a javelin through it's head.

What does 007 wear on his head?

A Bondana.

What do you call a terrorist holding an AK47 to your head?

Sir.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism?

Head.

What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg?

Ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, 'op in."

What shampoo do dragons prefer?

Head & Smolders

Whatcha call that?

Head over heels.

Why was the kamikaze pilot so depressed?

He felt his life was heading for a downward spiral.

What do members of secret societies use when they get a head cold?

An Illumi-neti pot

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her head

What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common?

They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)

What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head?

Duck.

Why Do Giraffes Have Such Long Necks?

So they can reach their head!

What kind of alcohol gets stuck in your head for days?

Red Red Wine!

What's black and white and red all over and can't get through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What is the definition of torque?

When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.

What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.

When is a Pixie not a Pixie?

When its head is up a Fairy's skirt, then it's a goblin.

What do you call a nosy hot pepper?

Jalapeno business! ha ha.. haha.. ha love this joke (Usually accompanied with three snaps of the fingers in the shape of the letter Z and moving my head from side to side)